Greetings readers,

When I wrote the piece celebrating St Patrick’s Day, I discovered that while Leprechauns get lumped into that overall celebration of all things Irish, they actually have their own day, May 13. In an effort to delve a bit more deeply into this unique culture I put out feelers hoping to obtain an interview for a Leprechaun Day feature. Boy, did I get some interest and I have to tell you these people are p**sed, which for magical beings with a reputation for causing trouble may not bode well. I am still being contacted by those interested in airing their grievances, so this will likely be a multi-part feature. But first, an interview with the Leprechaun known as Lucky. You will recognize him from the cover of the Lucky Charms Cereal box, a role he has played for decades. And he has some things he wants to share.

EB: Lucky, thank you for taking the time to speak to me today. How are things with you?

LTL: Well, I’m telling ya. Not good, not good at all. Looks like I may be losing this spokes model gig. And I gotta tell ya, there aren’t a lot of roles out there for folks under 4 ft tall. And Peter Dinklage gets em all.

EB: I hadn’t heard about that. What’s the problem?

LTL: Wellll, not sure I understand it all. But me agent called, some media out there saying the folks that makes the cereal, General Mills was too woke. And the cereal box was clearly indoctrinating kids into radical LGBTQ lifestyles. Somethin abut Rainbows and hearts and pastel colors???? Gonna be banned or boycotted, and I was gonna be sacked. Booked me on a flight to the capital and said since I was a celebrity, they might listen to me. Get some sympathy on our side. Worked for that pretty elf, Angelina Jolie, he says.

EB: Wow, that’s a surprise.

LTL: Yea, the elves get much better roles. Orlando Bloom, now that’s one fine elf, and Angie, everybody knows her. That Johnnie Depp just went over the edge, but some of those elves, the ears just get screwed on too tight if you get my drift.  Though it’s not workin so well for me mate Ernie the Elf over at the Keebler tree. He’s a gettin caught up in the same mess as me. It’s height discrimination, pure and simple.

EB: Ah, OK. Let’s go back to the trip to Washington. How did that go?

LTL: Blooody disaster. Went first to the Rer Publicans looking for a party and all. Back home the publicans love us, not a pub in Ireland doesn’t have some of our product, being into the booze biz ya know and us bringin in the tourist folks. Them pubs love us leprechauns… and any party…

EB: So, you thought the Republican Party was an actual party, with pub owners?

LTL: That’s what the name says.

EB: Lucky, have you been living under a rock?

LTL: Well, yes except for publicity shoots and public appearances.

EB: Oookkkay, Let’s get back to what happened during your visit.

LTL: Well, I say to the young fella in the Rer Pulican Party office, what is wrong with bein “woke”. Since I’m on a cereal box, we are trying to get folks woke for the day, part of a healthy breakfast and all.

EB: Now that part is debatable but go on.

LTL: Well, he about bust a gasket. Anything Woke is bad, he says. Finally, I am getting wise to this. So, I asks “why is woke bad?” Now that seemed to be a stumper. It just is, he stammered. Not exactly sure, but they say we have to use phrase “fight the woke mob” in every other sentence. I see, says I, but you still didn’t explain what the problem with woke is? Seems like I ought to understand what this woke mob is and why it’s dangerous. Me bein a little fella and all. He stares at me a minute, then starts typing furiously on his computer. Grumbles a bit and seems puzzled, definition of woke is “having an active awareness of systematic prejudices and injustices, especially those related to civil and human rights”, also “aware of the facts, of the true situation”. But that can’t be right, he mumbles. Then he starts shuffling the papers on his desk til he finds his “Talking Points”. Which since these fellers don’t seem to be able to talk intelligently otherwise they got to have? Ok, I got it now, the young fella says, “We object to products and services that indoctrinate children in the radical LBGTQ agenda.” What the flying f**k is that, I ask, and what does it have to do with my cereal box? I seem to have stumped him again because he goes back to his typing. “Same sex lifestyles are bad”, he says. Now wait a minute I start, we leprechauns are only one sex and we never hurt nobody and… All of a sudden, he sits up really straight, says, “oh my god, you work for Disney, don’t you?” I wish, I start to say. “And a fairy to boot!” No look here I say, I ain’t no fairy, not that there is anything wrong with that, but we leprechauns are not… Well, that’s as far as I got, he must a pushed some button cause a couple of security folks rushed in and tossed me out on me ear.

EB: Are you ok now Lucky?  That sounds traumatic. But I admit I am confused, maybe it would help your cause if you set the record straight on a few things? The one sex thing might be misunderstood, perhaps you could explain.

LTL: Well, it shouldn’t be totally a surprise, but there are no female leprechauns.

EB: I hate to even ask this but, how then do you make more leprechauns?

LTL: Did you miss the whole point that we are magical beings? Hello! We do not conform to the “rules” you humans think you have figured out. We live a long time, and we just grow a new leprechaun when we need one. No sex needed; may explain why we have a rep for being grumpy…

EB: Er, thanks for that. So, what happened next.

LTL: Well now I am back outside, and I see all these folks waving signs and hollerin and all, but they didn’t seem to be ready to bust out in a bar fight or anything so I figures maybe I an get some information. So, I walks over and asks, “Are you the woke mob?”  

TO BE CONTINUED