Who decided that…

Exploring the idiocies of things we take for granted

Let’s look at the viability of a business concept. I did this for years and wonder what I would have said if presented with this set of parameters.

The business provides a service, but the beneficiary of said service is not the payer.

The beneficiary will hate it. Provision of said service is uncomfortable and will likely result in the scorn and ridicule of one’s contemporaries. The process is lengthy, resulting in periodic periods of discomfort accompanied with prohibition on consumption of one’s favorite food items.

The payer/guarantor will hate it. It is expensive and procurement of said service for the beneficiary is only available at absolutely the most inconvenient times possible necessitating the payer/guarantor reconfigure his/her day/week/month for a lengthy period. The discontent/grumpiness of the beneficiary exacerbates the discontent/grumpiness of the payer/guarantor.

Does not sound like a recipe for a successful business. But wait. Societal norms require the successful result of this service as a prerequisite for the ultimate success of the beneficiary as a human being. Failure to provide such would be a gross dereliction of parental duty and render the payer/guarantor subject to ridicule or derision of one’s peers and likely a lifetime of consequences (therapy? Lack of Instagram likes? Non-admission to ivy league institution?). And who wants to risk hearing – “oh she/he would be sooo attractive if it weren’t for xxxx, too bad those parents didn’t/wouldn’t……” accompanied by a heavy sigh and shake of the head. In short, you must do this thing nobody likes or you will be a “bad parent” rendering your offspring unfit for careers as supermodels and clearly any other desirable endeavor. Plus, they will hate you even more than they hate you right now. Grand.

The business is Orthodonture AKA Orthotorture. In sum- everybody (other than the provide) involved is miserable every step of the way, but we must do this anyway. In fact, the more expensive and more inconvenient the provider the more we will clamor to secure their services. Clearly only the best (most expensive/exclusive/sought after/painful) will do. Attempts to make said services more accessible are guaranteed to result in diminishment of the status of the provider. Uh oh, Dr. Q is offering convenient hours/reasonable prices. Must not be very good, we must rush to get on the list for Dr Z who furnishes his/her office with Renoirs and only takes applications for treatment on alternate Tuesdays between 10 and noon. Get me on the waiting list!  What brilliant, now very rich, masochist figured this out?

In fact, who decided that the acceptable dental norm be straight white choppers? It wasn’t all that long ago that having all one’s own teeth was a stretch objective. The same people (may they rot in ….) who decided that women should have thighs like sticks and boobs like cantaloupes? And don’t get me started on stilettos. The pearly white undoubtedly came from the same nice people who taught us the horror of “ring around the collar”. (If you don’t know what this is, it’s the classic example of the use of guilt in advertising, trust me, I used to teach this stuff). As to the straight thing, I wonder if the overbite and/or enlarged canines (the teeth variety as opposed to the family woof woof) originally developed to aid early man’s ability to shred the meat off mastodon legs (I assume dead mastodon as opposed to use of teeth as hunting accessory). Do not try this with your local neighborhood mastodons. Very messy.

But now with the paleo diet and other “return to the way early man ate” trends and the movement toward real, whole (not processed) food, will “natural” teeth make a comeback? I bet not, but like any trend, I do wonder if the further the pendulum swings one direction, if some kind of “correction” will eventually occur. I doubt that we will be lining up at Dr. Z’s office for evaluation to get the “cave man” smile. But keep an eye out for new and improved offerings in the Dental Care aisle. Paleo Polish anyone?

The author would like note that such musings are hers alone. For the record she has endured braces twice herself and somehow got all 3 offspring through the process. She has wondered if it would have been cheaper to just buy Dr. Whoever a boat at the beginning and skip all the installments along the way.

Please note that no animals were harmed in the creation of this post.